United Power

https://www.mormonchannel.org/listen/series/gospel-solutions-for-families-audio/family-councils-part-2-episode-74

This week I learned about power in relationships and the importance of couples being one along with family councils. Something in Richard B. Miller’s article which was an address given at a BYU Conference on Family Life on March 28, 2008 entitled, “Who Is the Boss? Power Relationships in Families,” struck me as interesting. He said, “Issues regarding power are at the root of many family problems.” The husband and wife are to lead the family. They are the “executive committee” while the family as a hole is the “board of directors.” Issues should be addressed as a couple, sometimes even decided before taken to the family council but the family council is also important. I will get to that in a moment but there must be no mistake, husband and wives should be united in work and decision for the family. If this doesn’t happen, there will be a breakdown and chaos is felt in the family.

This reminds me of a story about some close relatives of mine. Many years ago, there became the need to get a computer in the family. However, the research and decision was solely made by the husband causing a rift in the couple relationship. The disagreement was vocalized and felt throughout the family and the children began to divide. It is interesting to think about it all these years later but as I look back, I can see the effect that one decision had on many others move forward. Today, that couple is still together and they still love each other but the effects are still felt as I look at my own marriage. It was this experience the caused my husband and I to have the agreement to not spend money without discussing things as a couple first. Couples need to be united on the little and big things in a marriage and in a family. 

President Henry B Eyring stated in his General Conference address of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in May of 1998 that with the Spirit we can expect harmony in our homes. Contention will drive away that spirit. He goes on to say that “a united family…and world at peace depend on unified souls.” So much is riding on our ability to be united as a couple and as a family. It reminds me of all the General Authorities that have said that so much is affected, even outside our four walls, when there is discord in the home. The spirit of contention can muddy our home and then spread to everyone and everything we come into contact in our neighborhoods and our communities. It is so important that we not only seek for the Spirit and testify but that we work together as a couple and as a family in all that we do.

Councils are important, and having one as a family is no different. Many years ago, after our three oldest children were well into their elementary school ages, my husband and I felt another child needed to come to our family. We prayed and felt like it was Heavenly Father’s will for this to happen despite the fact that our youngest at the time was six years old. I really had no intention to have any more kids at that point but the Spirit confirmed that it was Heavenly Father’s plan for our family. However, we knew that this would dramatically change the dynamic in our home. Before we moved forward, we decided to take it to the family council so that our children were aware of what we felt needed to happen, share our testimony of how we got to the decision, and to get their feelings on the matter. We have been blessed with good children who not only were excited, they help to prepare for the new baby coming into our home. We were unified in this preparation which made the trials I faced during the pregnancy easier to bare because of the strength we drew off each other. It’s hard to say what we would have done if our children had disagreed with our decision but I’m happy to know that isn’t something I had to deal with. I have been blessed with the knowledge of the power and influence a united couple and family can have in our lives through these and many other experiences in my life. 

http://familycircus.com/comic_tag/not-me/

References:

Eyring, H.B. (1998) That We May Be One, Ensign, https://www.lds.org/ensign/1998/05/that-we-may-be-one?lang=eng

Miller, R.B. (2008) Who Is the Boss? Power Relationship in Families, https://byui.brightspace.com/content/enforced/94841-Online.2016.Spring.FAML300.03/Course%20Files/Rick%20Miller-Power.pdf?_&d2lSessionVal=7XrhxmpBkFcwdMrOSQPeorJqA&ou=94841